The majority of the photos I take of the girls are from behind. I follow them around like their little photographer, taking photos of all of these moments as they navigate their world. It wasn’t until recently that I thought about what that meant. Since the majority of the time I/we are following them, their worldview is wide open.
These little girls (at 5 and 4 and 3 and 2!) are experiencing a world where they are the leaders of their journey.
They are experiencing their world not following behind myself or Nathan, or holding hands and relying on us to make them comfortable, they are already subconsciously forming their sense of self, their independence, their confidence in their abilities to understand and navigate through life, on their own, and with their sister by their side.
I hope they always walk with the confidence and sense of purpose that I see at age 5. I hope that they remain confident in their place in this world with the knowledge that they will go through life with the support of their sister beside them, and the safety net of everyone who loves them behind them.
2021 marks my 5th Mother’s Day and I have to say it felt more….not more important…but… more impactful. It felt like I finally understood the value of motherhood as an experience – the selflessness that it entails – but also the value of the experiences that my mom has given me. Being a Mother. Having a Mother. It’s important. It shapes who we become and who we want to be for our own children. It shapes the kind of experiences I choose to create for my daughters. It’s not the easy choice, but I choose to bake homemade cookies late at night after the girls have gone to bed, so that they can bring homemade cookies to share with their class for Valentine’s Day. I choose to spend their nap time figuring out how to draw a giant cornucopia so that when they wake up they have a giant coloring picture taped to the window at Thanksgiving. I choose to use my hand as a child headrest on the airplane for much longer than is comfortable, so that Lucy’s head is supported and doesn’t bob around as she sleeps (and I also have chosen to buy a travel neck pillow for the flight home!)
On the flight to Hawaii (our 1st night flight), I sat in between the girls as they slept for almost 4 hours. Before you wind up for that high five….it took a lot of rearranging of limbs on my part, and so, I clocked about 30 minutes of sleep around 1am. I divided my time between keeping Brooklyn from stretching her legs out into the middle of the aisle and trying to rearrange a ‘too long to fit comfortably in the seat’ Lucy who is a classic ‘Head Bobber’. But as I sat in the dark, with my daughters’ heads in my lap, I thought to myself, THIS is what it is all about. This is where the love and the selflessness shines through.
On Mother’s Day, I came across an old blog post that I had written up on my phone, that I never got around to post. It was from when the girls were just over a year old and even though it was more than 3 years ago – it still resonates with me, and it felt very relevant to how reflective I was feeling that day. And so I share it now:
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You spend so much time building up to the 1 year mark. It is an incredibly emotional time and you think that time should stop at the One Year mark and let you take it all in and adjust to having 1 year olds. But time marches on and just like that, they’re 13 months old!
It took me a while to adjust to having babies, it didn’t sink in to me that I was a Mother until I said it out loud…’I have 2 daughters!’ (and that was a couple of months in). And now, my mind is grappling with the idea that I no longer have babies, but toddlers.
In the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People it talks about how adjusting your title adjusts your perspective on the world, the way you interact with others and your actions. I don’t think there is a bigger title adjustment than ‘Mom’ that adjusts your every thought and action more – at least it hasn’t for me.
I feel like I hit a Motherhood milestone very recently. The first time one of my girls was feeling like crap (turned out she had Hand Foot and Mouth 😦 We were out of town and all of a sudden at 10pm, Brooklyn was crying in her crib and could not be consoled. For babies that were sleeping through the night and able to soothe themselves at 5.5 months old…this was unexpected at the 12 month mark.
Between not feeling well and a strange environment, the result was Mom getting maybe 1.5 hours of sleep and spending the majority of the night soothing a sad baby. In the past (and even in the present), if something prevented me from getting sleep (my husband, my cat, my own insomnia, etc), I would be so angry in the morning. Frustrated, definitely bitchy, and wanting to take it out on others.
But, after my 1.5 hours of sleep and a night of baby snuggles, I emerged with so much energy, and a mindset of ‘we will just make the best of the day’…. and also, that it would be a caffeine day.
There was no frustration or anger, it was a feeling of acceptance and understanding, that I was there for my baby when she needed me, and I was happy to be there for her.
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Now, don’t think that this is all about motherhood bliss, because, man oh man, do I get frustrated, and tired and stressed. But I am trying to feel more of the bliss than the frustration, and sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. But I am definitely trying to make it MY choice instead of being swept up into the vortex of Motherhood.
On the eve of our very first flight with the girls, it dawned on me….travel is going to be very different…
Actually, I shouldn’t say it ‘dawned on me‘, the process of realizing this new reality was DRIVING ME TO TEARS!
It was 9PM, the girls were asleep, Nathan was downstairs, and I was frustratingly trying to figure out how to get a week’s worth of clothes, toiletries, toys and bedding into one large suitcase and a carry on.
Ha…..hahaha….what was I thinking???
In hindsight, the answer was clear….add another suitcase to the mix. But as I tried to figure out how to reduce our suitcase by 6 lbs, Nathan’s suggestion to add another suitcase was met by a snarled ‘I don’t want to!’.
In the end, another suitcase was added, more things were added because…now we had more than enough space…and we rolled into the airport with 2 checked bags, 2 carseats, 1 roller bag carry-on, 1 camera bag, 1 diaper backpack, 1 stroller and 2 15 month old girls.
I’ve read about these mythical families that travel with kids for international trips with nothing but carry-ons. Well, I don’t think we will ever be that kind of family. Because, although it may seem extra spoiled and unnecessary, if it comes down to not bringing the sleep sheep, 2 lovies each and their favourite blanket OR sleepless nights while traveling, the extra suitcase will win EVERY time.
And so, off we go to Anaheim, California for the girls’ first flight.
The land of sunshine, palm trees…..and Disneyland!
And this is what we learned on our first flight(s) and trip to California:
The girls could care less if it’s supposed to be their nap time on the flight….look at….everything!
We are spoiled and realize that for us, we need to have a separate bedroom type accommodation, so we don’t ALL have to go to sleep at 8pm.
The girls could care less about Disneyland and Mickey Mouse….in fact, Mickey Mouse is kind of scary (unless viewed from afar, and then they’re super interested)
At 15 months, Disneyland was really about a very pretty place to take a walk because the only ride we went on was the train ride around the park….and the Dinosaur Section…. did… not… go… well…., oh and also the duck that flapped it’s wings near us during breakfast…also not a fan of him… (So I guess we also realized that we have a scaredy cat baby).
We have 1 Water Baby (Brooklyn) and 1 ‘Only if there’s people to wave at’ Water Baby (Lucy).
And lastly, we learned that despite the stress of travel and the crappy sleep (maybe that was just me as I lay with 2 babies on me listening to everyone snoring while I lay awake…), it was super fun to make new family memories:
To watch Lucy take wobbly steps on the beach at Crystal Cove and see her make that ‘Daaaaddd….stop taking pictures of me’ face
To introduce the girls to new friends
To listen to Brooklyn squeal in delight as she gets spun around in the pool
To experience Disney through someone else’s eyes, besides my own
And finally, to learn all of these new things about these girls who had only been in our lives for such a short amount of time.
There’s only so much sitting around the pool and soaking up the sun you can do……but I have to admit, I could have done just a little more.
We spent a long weekend in San Diego to celebrate our two year anniversary and it was fantastic! We’ve done road trips and quick trips to Arizona and San Francisco this year, but it has been a really long time since we took a trip with the sole purpose of not doing anything. We didn’t get a rental car because we didn’t want to feel forced to use it. So that meant wandering from pool to hot tub, to room for a nap, to an onsite restaurant for dinner and back again. Three days of heavenly, lazy bliss.
There were plenty of water sports to partake in if we wanted to. But, the pool seemed way too inviting. And there was a fitness center, and I even brought my running shoes. But did those shoes take one step outside of the room? Actually, did they take one step out of the suitcase? With mixed emotions, I say ‘no’!
It wasn’t until our last day when we had checked out of our room already and were looking to kill a little time, did we finally explore the resort other than the direct paths between the pools, restaurants and our bungalow. And we found a tropical jungle. There’s something very prehistoric feeling about some of this foliage.
Apparently we have an All Wheel Drive vehicle. Well, Nathan was determined to put it to the test. Where else but in the desert landscape of Arizona (technically we were on the California side, but it doesn’t seem like CA), where you can pretty much take to the dirt anywhere you want and drive through the cacti, donkey droppings and joshua trees. Just make sure you follow a trail, don’t get stuck in the sand, roll your vehicle, or back over a bush…(whoops Jerry…..) and leave some bread crumbs to find your way home.
The Subaru XV made it through and held its own next to the Toyota FJ. Not too bad…not too bad at all.
Cloudless blue skies and dust bunnies being kicked up by off road vehicles, ATV’s and possibly a few people wandering around chasing donkeys and bribing them with carrots and tasty green apples.
After 3 days of (almost) non-stop driving with most mornings spent waking up hours before the sun decided to show its face, it was heavenly to wake up after the sun came up. And better than that – this was the view from our hotel room at Mandalay Beach in Oxnard, CA.
Breakfast with the locals, a walk on the beach chasing sand pipers and skirting the waves. It may look warm and balmy but that water is still shockingly cold on the toes.
An afternoon soaking in the hot tub, an after-soak nap and watching the sun ease its way down beyond the horizon after the end of a relaxing day. Can’t get better than that.
From sand and surf to desert and burros – and it only took 5 hours!
Check out those fuzzy bangs!
Mom & Baby # 2
Two days after strolling the beach – Vegas….
From the Vdara Hotel – a view of the Vegas Strip and the Bellagio Fountain Show
And to enjoy the different side of Vegas – Old Vegas….and the Fremont Street Experience.
There’s something about driving along the coast and sucking in the sunshine. The magic of California definitely spun its web around me as we drove along Highway 1 from Santa Cruz to Santa Barbara. We spent a leisurely Sunday morning browsing a Farmer’s Market in Berkeley and picked up a tasty collection of goodies for a picnic lunch: pumpkin bolani and sundried tomato spread, apples, grapes, dried apricots and chewy ginger cookies. And I had just the place to stop for our lunch.
Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park. Part of the Big Sur area and home to this beautiful view of a sandy beach cove, turquoise water and an 80 ft waterfall that drops from granite cliffs into the ocean.
The best view for our picnic lunch. We got comfortable on a bench and dug into our feast. Off in the distance we saw spouts of water mist as we watched the migrating grey whales. It was a pretty popular place to visit and there was a constant stream of traffic of people walking the path, seeing the waterfall and moving on. But we felt like we had a secret – everyone was so focused on walking the trail and feeling disappointed that the waterfall wasn’t larger (come on people – it’s not exactly rain or snow melt season!) that they weren’t even paying attention to all of the whales that were in the water. So we kept quiet, enjoyed our farmer’s market picnic lunch and enjoyed the magic of the moment.
Our lunch detour took a little longer than expected….but we still made sure to enjoy the sunset before heading onto Santa Barbara.
Although I don’t have any photos – let me see if I can paint you a picture.
The hustle and bustle of San Francisco. The Ferry Building. As the clock strikes 6PM, the crowds part and 6 friends find each other to reconnect for one night of the year. Who knows what adventures will unfold. First stop: Hard Water – a whiskey bar that has floor to ceiling lit shelves of every type of whiskey, artisan ice cubes and the most savory smelling fried chicken I’ve ever had the pleasure to watch as it was walked across the room from kitchen to patron.
Second Stop: Forbes Island – which you probably would never think about but most likely have seen it when you went to watch the sea lions barking up a storm at Pier 39 (by the way – they have returned). The website says ‘Fantasy dining on & below the bay’ and that pretty much sums it up. You board a pontoon boat and take a 2 minute (maybe) boat ride past the sea lions to dock at Forbes Island. There’s a restaurant on and below the water and a lighthouse with an observation deck that gives you a view of the skyline. It’s an odd experience. It’s kind of like you’re in an overstuffed boat with chandeliers rocking on the ceiling, port holes – some with stained glass art and some just glass so you can watch crab and fish swim right by you as you dine. As you sit down to eat, the water level is right at your head and you can feel the subtle rock and sway of the ‘island’ as it bobs in the water or gets hit with wake from the boats in the bay. You get used to the motion of the ocean (hopefully before you get sea sick) but it doesn’t help when the servers rock back and forth on their heels to counteract the movement. It’s a whoozy experience, but definitely a memorable one. And the women’s bathroom – it’s like you’re entering into the captain’s quarters – bed and everything!
The food was tasty, the bubbly was bubbly, the experience was odd and kitschy but nothing could outshine the laughter and the jokes and the stories that were told and the stories that will be retold from that night.
We decided to celebrate the holidays by heading back to the road. Early mornings, road trip playlists, scenic overlooks and hundreds and hundreds of miles under our belts.
But, I think we may have gotten confused with the purpose of our trip. It’s like when people tell you that there’s a difference between traveling and vacationing. Yes – BIG difference. Our intention was to head out on this scenic byway road trip heading south and driving the seaside roads along the Oregon Coast, through the Red Wood Forest and along highway 101 and Highway 1 along the coastal cliffs in California. But, we found ourselves falling into old habits – early mornings, needing to make time on the road and with almost no time to stop and eat.
I had big plans on all the scenery we could take in – Oregon sand dunes, the sea stacks in Bandon, OR (plus enjoying a crab or two dipped in melted drawn butter….), taking in the impressive sight of the ancient Red Woods and leisurely days enjoying good food along the coast.
Well, the weather wasn’t the most cooperative and we started our road trip in snow and as we drove further and further south, the clouds never seemed to lift and we took in rain, fog and grey dreary sights. And, although we did decide that maybe a summer trip along the Oregon Coast to actually enjoy the coastal sights would be a better idea, we did take in views of the Umpqua River Lighthouse and I did enjoy a half a crab in that tasty tasty butter in Winchester Bay, OR.
Umpqua River Lighthouse
Home of Delicious Fresh Crab!
As I mentioned before, our road trip goals got confused and we made dinner plans in San Francisco our second day on the road which put us in a mad dash down the coast. Waking up in Grants Pass, OR (close to the OR/CA border) meant that we were waking up at 4:30am to head out for the day and had 10 hours to drive 400 miles, sightsee and drive one of the windiest roads down the coast. And those glorious Red Wood forest views – well, we found ourselves parked on the side of the road in the middle of the forest waiting for the sun to rise.
Our patience wore out pretty quick so we ended up in Crescent City, CA for sunrise to take in a few misty morning photos. But don’t worry – we found those trees that you can drive through!
Misty Sunrise in Crescent City, CA
Marine Layers
Moonrise Morning
And we found TWO trees to drive through!
After our detour in Leggett, CA to drive through our second tree, we took to highway 1, the windy windy road through the forest – up and down, side to side – it definitely gave our brakes a work out.
And finally, finally, we broke through the trees to be rewarded with sunshine, blue skies, and crashing waves along the cliffs of the California Coast. It’s everything you would picture it to be if it was your first time to the CA Pacific Coast.
It may look like nothing, but it’s a migrating grey whale. Frustratingly our camera was acting up, but you can see a little breach and a mist of water in its tracks.
It took us 15 hours, but we finally left the grey of the Pacific Northwest to find ourselves in sunny California. And it was wonderful!
It has been years since I’ve been to San Diego. And, like every person that goes to San Diego as a child, the most distinctive memory that I have is of the San Diego Zoo.
And also like every person that goes to the zoo as a child, as an adult, I just had to go back and experience it all over again. Luckily, the animals were enjoying the cool weather and the light mid week crowds to give us a little face time.
Adventures On the Road 