World Views

13 11 2022

The majority of the photos I take of the girls are from behind.  I follow them around like their little photographer, taking photos of all of these moments as they navigate their world.  It wasn’t until recently that I thought about what that meant.  Since the majority of the time I/we are following them, their worldview is wide open. 

These little girls (at 5 and 4 and 3 and 2!)  are experiencing a world where they are the leaders of their journey. 

They are experiencing their world not following behind myself or Nathan, or holding hands and relying on us to make them comfortable, they are already subconsciously forming their sense of self, their independence, their confidence in their abilities to understand and navigate through life, on their own, and with their sister by their side. 

I hope they always walk with the confidence and sense of purpose that I see at age 5.  I hope that they remain confident in their place in this world with the knowledge that they will go through life with the support of their sister beside them, and the safety net of everyone who loves them behind them. 


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Categories : California, Canada, Hawaii, Lake Havasu City, Miscellaneous, Oahu, Oregon, Seattle, Vancouver, Vancouver Island, Washington, West Seattle

I’m a Mom

14 05 2021

2021 marks my 5th Mother’s Day and I have to say it felt more….not more important…but… more impactful. It felt like I finally understood the value of motherhood as an experience – the selflessness that it entails – but also the value of the experiences that my mom has given me. Being a Mother. Having a Mother. It’s important. It shapes who we become and who we want to be for our own children. It shapes the kind of experiences I choose to create for my daughters. It’s not the easy choice, but I choose to bake homemade cookies late at night after the girls have gone to bed, so that they can bring homemade cookies to share with their class for Valentine’s Day. I choose to spend their nap time figuring out how to draw a giant cornucopia so that when they wake up they have a giant coloring picture taped to the window at Thanksgiving. I choose to use my hand as a child headrest on the airplane for much longer than is comfortable, so that Lucy’s head is supported and doesn’t bob around as she sleeps (and I also have chosen to buy a travel neck pillow for the flight home!)

On the flight to Hawaii (our 1st night flight), I sat in between the girls as they slept for almost 4 hours. Before you wind up for that high five….it took a lot of rearranging of limbs on my part, and so, I clocked about 30 minutes of sleep around 1am. I divided my time between keeping Brooklyn from stretching her legs out into the middle of the aisle and trying to rearrange a ‘too long to fit comfortably in the seat’ Lucy who is a classic ‘Head Bobber’. But as I sat in the dark, with my daughters’ heads in my lap, I thought to myself, THIS is what it is all about. This is where the love and the selflessness shines through.

On Mother’s Day, I came across an old blog post that I had written up on my phone, that I never got around to post. It was from when the girls were just over a year old and even though it was more than 3 years ago – it still resonates with me, and it felt very relevant to how reflective I was feeling that day. And so I share it now:

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You spend so much time building up to the 1 year mark. It is an incredibly emotional time and you think that time should stop at the One Year mark and let you take it all in and adjust to having 1 year olds. But time marches on and just like that, they’re 13 months old!

It took me a while to adjust to having babies, it didn’t sink in to me that I was a Mother until I said it out loud…’I have 2 daughters!’ (and that was a couple of months in). And now, my mind is grappling with the idea that I no longer have babies, but toddlers.

In the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People it talks about how adjusting your title adjusts your perspective on the world, the way you interact with others and your actions. I don’t think there is a bigger title adjustment than ‘Mom’ that adjusts your every thought and action more – at least it hasn’t for me.

I feel like I hit a Motherhood milestone very recently. The first time one of my girls was feeling like crap (turned out she had Hand Foot and Mouth 😦 We were out of town and all of a sudden at 10pm, Brooklyn was crying in her crib and could not be consoled. For babies that were sleeping through the night and able to soothe themselves at 5.5 months old…this was unexpected at the 12 month mark.

Between not feeling well and a strange environment, the result was Mom getting maybe 1.5 hours of sleep and spending the majority of the night soothing a sad baby. In the past (and even in the present), if something prevented me from getting sleep (my husband, my cat, my own insomnia, etc), I would be so angry in the morning. Frustrated, definitely bitchy, and wanting to take it out on others.

But, after my 1.5 hours of sleep and a night of baby snuggles, I emerged with so much energy, and a mindset of ‘we will just make the best of the day’…. and also, that it would be a caffeine day.

There was no frustration or anger, it was a feeling of acceptance and understanding, that I was there for my baby when she needed me, and I was happy to be there for her.

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Now, don’t think that this is all about motherhood bliss, because, man oh man, do I get frustrated, and tired and stressed. But I am trying to feel more of the bliss than the frustration, and sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. But I am definitely trying to make it MY choice instead of being swept up into the vortex of Motherhood.


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Categories : California, Canada, Hawaii, Oahu, Seattle, Vancouver, Washington, West Seattle

How Many 1st’s Can you Pack into a Year?

23 02 2019

Firsts are exciting, scary, frustrating and memorable.

Honestly, I became a little bit obsessed about ‘tracking things’ when the girls were born.  I was tracking everything.  Their sleep, their feeding, their pees/poops.  And then I was tracking my own sleep and my own moods.  And then I was tracking their milestones (smiling, laughing, rolling, WALKING), holidays, new foods that they were eating, and new experiences they were having.

There are A LOT of firsts that happen during that first year and a half.  A lot of living and a lot of becoming something other than a squishy pile of baby.

One of our most notable firsts was our 1st Road Trip.

It’s laughable when I think about how much we managed to pack into our car when we took the girls on their first road trip to Vancouver BC.  Nathan and I had done this drive many many times and we had usually packed the night before or even the morning that we were leaving.  I think I spent 2 weeks making lists and practice packing before we departed on our 3 Hour road trip to take a 3 Day Trip.  And even after we had packed up everything on the list, we added the Baby Bjorn Bouncer Seats, the Rock ‘n Plays and the extra pack ‘n play….just in case.

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It looks like the babies won’t fit in the car!

Brooklyn and Lucy were just over 5 months old and it was time to take them to Vancouver, BC to introduce them to some of the extended family.  We had attended previous cousin’s 100 day celebrations with the traditional Chinese Feast, so I figured this was something we should do as well, and to be honest, I had never hosted a 12 course Chinese meal before and was kind of excited about it.  Luckily, the restaurant is so used to this type of thing, a 12 course lunch meal on a Saturday for 40 people was nothing they couldn’t handle.  I on the other hand, felt like I was planning a wedding – complete with seating charts (and the drama that comes with seating charts), table numbers, guest favors, a guest book, special outfits, etc etc etc.  All while still trying to figure out nursing, nap times, and what it means to travel with twins.

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But look at these cuties!

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They were champs.  I was the stress case.  And if it wasn’t for my sister making a plate for me at every course, I probably wouldn’t have eaten anything.

But, although I don’t really remember eating anything, I will carry these memories with me forever:

The fact that everyone spent so long taking pictures with the twins and holding them that the restaurant told me we had to start lunch or we would run out of time before their next party 🙂

Cousins meeting their new baby cousins.

My dad, holding Lucy while chowing down on the feast with his chopsticks.  Actually, I don’t think I remember any moment of the day that my dad wasn’t holding Lucy.

My Yin Yin (grandma) cooing and singing to Brooklyn.

My friend telling me how great the wine was….and asking what we were going to do with the leftover bottles…

It was a huge blur.  I actually didn’t remember what we had done that weekend other than that lunch, but looking back at the photos I now remember that we had a great visit with my brother and sister, the girls were spoiled with their first hotel suite looking out at the Coal Harbor Marina, we enjoyed a morning Seawall walk with the mountains in the background and we actually just had a lot of great family time.

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Uncle James / Lucy + Auntie Nicki / Brooklyn

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So spoiled!

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Early morning cuddles/snooze

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Vancouver Seawall / Coal Harbor

Since that first trip, we’ve taken the girls back to Vancouver so much that the valet and most of the breakfast staff at the hotel restaurant know the girls – even the coffee shop owners down the street remember us!  We don’t pack quite as much as that first trip, but the girls’ suitcase is still bigger than ours!


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Categories : Vancouver

Non-Manditory Family Time

3 06 2015

I am sure it is the same with other siblings, but it has taken almost 30 years before my younger brother and older sister and I have truly bonded to each other.  No longer are we forced to spend time with each other by living in the same house, or by being squished three kids in the backseat on family vacations or because we just happened to see each other at school.  Now, as my younger brother approaches 30,  the three of us live in three different cities: Vancouver, BC, Seattle, WA and Houston, TX  – we have finally come to the point of leaning into each other.  We share our stories and want to know updates.  We send a flurry of cat photos back and forth to each other, since we have all ended up with a cat(s) of our own – which I secretly feel is a competition we play to see who has the cutest, most personable cat.  We each have a different answer…go figure. We ask for help, we share our successes and we actually look forward to seeing each other.  I’m sure our parents are happy to see that their children have finally, after almost 30 years, figured out how to do more than just tolerate each other because we have to.

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This year is the first year since we lived together in our family home that we have all seen each other more than twice a year.  I guess that’s what happens when you scatter in all directions after high school, and then even further after University, and then when conflicting significant other familial responsibilities come into play, well, we would be lucky if we saw each other at all during the year.

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So we’ve come together and during my trip to Vancouver we bonded over all you can eat sushi, spring rolls and pho, calamari and bellinis, ketchup and salt and vinegar chips.  Perhaps we have realized that our deep bond is through food…and cats.

I left Vancouver, speeding away on an Amtrak train back to Seattle, feeling like we’ve made peace with our little trio, which, as a middle child who’s role is the peacemaker, made me feel pretty good about how we’ve all grown up.

My train ride photos: From Vancouver BC to Seattle, WA

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The “White Rock” of White Rock, BC

 

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Categories : Canada, Vancouver

The Elusive Wildlife

27 05 2015

I don’t think I would ever make it as a wildlife photographer.  I’ve come to realize throughout my experiences stalking birds, cats and bumble bees that I just don’t have the ‘spidey senses’ when it comes to spotting animals or the patience when it comes to catching them in some photo worthy action.

It may sound like I’m only focusing on the birds, cats and bumble bees BUT that is pretty much the only subject matter that shows itself to me.  The other day I opted to not join Nathan on an errand.  And what do you know, he sees a young humpback whale breaching in the water and a dolphin was chasing his ferry and playing in the wake.  WHAT!??  Of course this happens, the one time I decide not to go.  It is still my dream, and hopefully achievable goal, to see whales (orcas preferably) in the wild while not on an actual whale watching trip.  You would think living in cities that consider ferry boats to be a normal mode of transportation would allow me tons of opportunities….unfortunately these whales have been playing hard to get….for the last 31 years.

Well I did manage to luck out with some wildlife photos during my last visit to Vancouver.  Stanley Park is home to one of the largest urban Great Blue Heron colonies in North America.  It’s pretty common to see them doing their long-legged strut in Stanley Park and along the seawall at Coal Harbor.  And with Great Blue Herons it’s always nice to snap a couple of photos of them doing there thing, searching the water for their next meal, but rarely do you see them actually ‘fish’, much less catch anything.

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But this time on an evening stroll with my brother and sister as we headed out to dinner, I took a little more time with a specific Great Blue Heron.  Essentially, I had to be willing to be left behind because there was no way my siblings were waiting around for some bird to do something…possibly.    And just when I was about to give up and resign myself to the fact that once again, I was only going to get the standard standing tall, maybe head cocked to the side, photo.  Whoosh.  Great Blue Heron headless – neck deep in the water.  I honestly had put the camera down and started walking away, when I heard the water splashing and whipped the camera back up to see what moments I could catch.

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Head whipping back and forth.  Dinner dropped and picked up again.

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Dropped and picked up again.

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Another round of head thrashing to try to whip that eel into submission.  And finally dinner gave up the fight.

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An eel!  Yeah!  Good job Great Blue Heron!  We’re eating EEL tonight!

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Ta Da!

And yes, this is still in my normal range of birds, bees and cats but I felt just as triumphant getting these shots as that Great Blue Heron felt munching on his eel.

 


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Categories : Canada, Vancouver

Transitioning: Summer to Fall

8 10 2014

Now that green is starting to ease into yellow, orange and red and a crispness is starting to add a little snap to the air, I’m starting to reminisce on my summer moments.

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Maybe I was ‘living in the moment’ and really living in the experience rather than thinking about how I was going to re-tell the story.  Or maybe I was too busy trying to pack as much activity into the warm weather as possible that I rushed through one activity in search of the next.  Either way, Fall is approaching, and with the changing of the leaves brings just enough transition that it’s made me pause in place and gather photos from the summer.

Everyone goes through the transition from Summer to Fall.  Preparation for hibernation perhaps?  The excitement to bring back over-sized sweaters, cuddly scarves and of course those Fall boots!  I have a love-hate relationship with said boots.  I spend my days admiring the different boots that I see prancing down the street – chocolate brown, black, wedge heel, flat stomping boots, sleek and stylish high-heeled boots.  Needless to say, I have boot envy.  I see everyone looking fantastic in their fall boots – really the perfect accessory for fall outfits.  But whenever I find myself on the hunt for the perfect boots I end up frustrated and sad because, after all, I carry my height in my torso.  I have short legs and athletic calves.  The worst combination!  Which essentially means that boots don’t fit me – even the ones with extended calf sizes 😦

But enough about the boots.  I find myself on a tangent as meandering as the paths I hope to stroll through this Fall – stomping through all of the fallen leaves and hearing that satisfying ‘crunch crunch crunch‘ as I walk.

Finally I’m looking back at what took place this summer – a summer that took Seattle by surprise with day after day of 80+ degree weather.

Seattle Sights:

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The Great Wheel

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Kayaking around Alki

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Making Discoveries!

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Alki Sunsets

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Great Friends…

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And Ferry Boats.

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Mt. Rainier Sunsets

Exploring the ‘wilderness’ of Port Orchard:

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Whirlwind Work Trips in Chicago:

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Chicago Art

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Chicago Architecture

Home (Vancouver):

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Vancouver Icon – ‘Canada Place’

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Sunsets at Vancouver Harbour

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Deer Lake Park

Food – delicious, beautiful, tasty morsels of goodness!

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Neapolitan Style Pizza

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Farmer Fresh Artisanal Snack Plates

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Chocolate Covered Figs

It feels like the summer was over in a blink but at the same time, with so many consecutive days of sunshine, it seemed like it was gorgeous day after gorgeous day – which puts a lot of pressure on a person.  Especially a person from the Pacific Northwest, where you cannot take sunshine for granted and on each sunny day you feel pressure to kick yourself out of bed and DO something.  Anything really.  You’ve got to head straight to those walking/running paths, be in or on the water, be at the farmers market every weekend, and eat and drink on every patio you come across.  By the time Fall arrives you’re just exhausted from all of those sunny days and secretly wishing for a rainy day so you don’t have to feel so guilty for spending a day inside watching movies (or a How I met your mother/Orange is the new black/House of Cards marathon).  

LOVED summer.  LOVE summer.  But (as I look right and left and duck my head) I’m kind of ready for Fall.  I’m sure in a month, when Seattle descends into its Grey season and there are more rainy days than not rainy days, I will take back those words – but for now, after over 40 days of 80+ degree weather this summer – I’m ready for an excuse to have a lazy day.


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Categories : Chicago, Seattle, Vancouver, Washington, West Seattle

I Miss You Vancouver!

12 05 2014

When you catch it from its good side, it’s hard not to fall in love with Vancouver, and really hard not to reminisce on the great times you’ve had there and think about all the summer patio moments you’re going to miss.  But again, you have it catch it from its good side.  The previous times we’ve visited this year it’s been grey, rainy and made you want to get home and curl up under the blankets (even if those blankets are 3 hours away).  But Vancouver when it’s sunny?

Ohhhh…  It’s hard to drag yourself away.

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Lost Lagoon – Stanley Park

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Spring goslings

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Brother & Sister Time!

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Spring Buttercups

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Nesting Trumpeter Swan

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Balancing Turtles

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Lost Lagoon – Stanley Park

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Vancouver Skyline from Lost Lagoon

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Second Beach Views

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Nature’s Art Gallery

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Balancing Rocks


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Have you been to Vancouver?

14 07 2011

If you haven’t, why not?


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GO Canucks GO

1 06 2011

Even in the USA I found me some CBC.  I’M READY FOR THE GAME!!!


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Making Every Day a Different Day

22 05 2011

I just watched a movie that had a line in it that said, ‘never live the same day twice’.  You wouldn’t think that you’d get a little nugget of inspiration from a chick flick (that didn’t do very well in the theatre), but there’s definitely a good message in there.  The opportunity to switch things up is always in the air, you just have to be ready and willing to take it on.

Once in a while you have a day that just seems to come out of nowhere.  When you woke up in the morning, you had no plans, or maybe you had a lot of plans, but the way the day went, turned out to be completely different than what you expected.

I’m talking about those days when things just happen.  For whatever reason the positive momentum builds up and one activity turns into another.   And when you’re tucked in bed that night, you fall asleep with a smile on your face because when you woke up that morning, in the same bed with the same pillow tucked up under your head and the same blankets scrunched down around your waist, you had no idea what was in store for you that day.

Like waking up in the morning knowing that you have a formal dinner party to go to and the whole day is set for preparations for the evening…..but you and your friends rummage in the fridge and turn a few eggs and some smoked salmon into a West Coast masterpiece good enough for any downtown restaurant.

And then, as you continue with the preparations of the day, what else do you do…..but go crabbing.

Once you arrive at the formal dinner, you get to smile, knowing that you’re probably the only person in the room who went crabbing before you got there.  And, when you tell people what you did that morning, their response is, ‘don’t you guys ever slow down?’  I take that as a compliment.

And when you wake up the next morning,  knowing it’s a dreary rainy day, and you have a couple hour drive across the border and an evening flight ahead of you, what do you do to compete with the previous day?

Head to Granville Island for a fun photo shoot and spend way too long cooing at a group of goslings.

And then you pose the goslings for a photoshoot…

It is extremely satisfying to know that you took advantage of a day, sunny, rainy or otherwise, and you found something unexpectedly cool to do.  And….to grab a lyric from current pop culture, ‘everybody dies, but not everybody lives’.  


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