As the year comes to an end I’m left with very mixed emotions. It’s December 30thand I haven’t written a post since last November. Actually, I haven’t written anything since last year. I think back to celebrating the first moments of the year 2020, sipping glasses of champagne with family, sharing hugs and kisses and laughter and the excitement for what a new decade could bring.
I think about traveling to Boise, ID in February to see friends right before the world came to a halt. Although just a long weekend trip, and what we thought would be the first trip of many in 2020, this became our big trip of the year and maybe the most important because of what it symbolized. Friendship. Family. Community. A commitment to keep and strengthen long distance relationships. It was our last trip not touched with the uncertainty and hesitation to give/receive hugs, to have our kids play together, to go out and have a beer. To live with the same innocence that we thought only children had.
So thinking about all of this makes me sad. And honestly, I’m not quite ready to look at the world with silver linings and super optimism, because this year has been a tough one to wrap one’s head around. It has been a year of loss and grief, uncertainty and anxiousness, heartbreak and many other emotions that I can’t express. Not being able to receive hugs when you’re hurting or give someone a hug when they are hurting is an almost physical pain. And that part breaks my heart; that we haven’t been able to give and receive comfort in a way that is the most natural to us.
But, although there has been lost friends, lost family, and lost babies; there has also been new babies and new friends and a strengthening bond between spouses and family. Friendships have been tested and strengthened this year and although it makes me tear up at the things we’ve all had to deal with without the physical presence and comfort from each other, it does make me happy to know that I have these amazing friends who are there to celebrate the happy moments and also listen through the tears.
This year has brought me a new community, a new home and a new sense of home. It has brought me sweet moments with my girls and comfort in knowing that they are versatile and can adapt to changing environments. It has brought me the knowledge that Nathan and I will always push each other, and our company, forward.
This year has humbled me.
It has brought me a feeling of vulnerability and the realization of how much we have and how lucky we are (which also brings about a bit of fear to know how much we have to lose…but I’m going to try not to think about that).
The year 2020 began with bubbles and laughter and lightness. It is ending on a heavy note, with a lot of reflection and a focus on being present. My hope for 2021 is that it shows me the opposite. A mixed emotion, heavy start and a light ending full of laughter and bubbles. I don’t know how we get from here to there, but I want to think that it’s possible and that we’re all starting this year holding onto someone and the appreciation of the small things that bring happiness: the smell of fresh baked bread, the sound of your cat purring in your face, the feeling of peace watching your child sleep, the joy when you realize your favourite Christmas movie is on Disney+, the sense of relief when you wake up and realize you still have 2 hrs to sleep until your alarm (OR the realization that you slept the entire night without waking up until your alarm!). Today, at this moment, I find happiness in knowing that I found my writing voice again, at the very end of the year, I experienced that tangible feeling I get when inspiration hits and a post writes itself.
Adventures On the Road 