Five years after I’ve finished up my university experience I can now finally say that I have experienced Spring Break. A week of crazy fun in the sun. Where anything goes. And whatever happens during Spring Break, stays at Spring Break, with the exception of all those spring breakers that saw what happened, and all of their friends that they tell, and the photos posted on facebook, and….. well let’s just say it’s a lot more complicated for spring breakers now a days in the world of social media.
All of this had been a mythological idea to me because I went to school in a place where “Spring Break” was called “Reading Break” and it lasted 4 days instead of 9 and you actually had to read because you had a whole list of midterms and papers due on the other side of this “Spring Break” and so, instead of leaving you just stayed on campus to study.
Now I should point out that in order to take these photos, I was actually on the other side of the channel. The side of the channel that instead of housing the party boats and the drunken masses, held the Spring Break Spectators. We like to call ourselves the “SBS” Crew. It was me and Nathan in our boat, a pontoon that was decked out to look like a tiki bar, a handful of Norwegian girls, and a boat which could have held a younger (but not by much), more tanned version of the “grumpy old men” who sat in their boat with their shades on (or “cheaters” as some call them), drinking their Labatt Blue watching the parade of Spring Break festivities.
So now the truth comes out! I didn’t partake in the Spring Break Festivities. I only watched them. And I’m kidding about calling ourselves the “SBS” Crew. Really I am.
But this is really quite lucky for you. Because if I was involved in the festivities on the other side of the channel, I wouldn’t be in any shape to give you this commentary of how things went.
You know how when there’s a big crowd of people that you don’t know and to make sense of what’s happening you start to give people nicknames? Well in this crowd of people there were quite a few characters who stood out. There was Pastie Girl #1 and Pastie Girl # 2. These were the two girls on the beach that were wearing pasties instead of bikini tops (since these are allowed during spring break as an alternative to running around topless). When they are together we called them “The Pastie Girls”, but when they separated from each other they lost all of their charm and just became “Pastie Girl #1 and #2”.
Then, there was “The Guy with the Box on his Head”. Don’t ask me why he had a box on his head, cause I have no idea, and to be honest, I don’t think he had any idea either. It didn’t do him any good because he was bouncing around in the water, lost his balance and fell head first into the side of a boat. Once he finally removed the box from his head he realized that he had a cut gushing blood above his eye. But not to worry, he just dunked his head in the water and carried on his with Box Activities.
His close competition to most memorable character was “The Crooked Swimmer” who swam crookedly from one side of the channel to another, holding his breath the entire way as he crawled along the bottom and popping up with a bloody nose. Although we saw him under the water with his red shorts, the two ducks that were floating in the water were mighty surprised when he popped up under them and they nearly flew into our boat.
The grand prize winner, and most talked about person of the day, was none other than “Senior Citizen in a Thong”. He walked up and down the boardwalk shaking his money maker. Let’s just say, if someone was walking beside him wearing nothing but “tighty whities”, they would be overdressed. As he passed by, everyone took a second look and I’m sure he heard the telltale “click” of the camera.
My personal favourite was “Booty-Shake Girl” who held court on top of the wall above all of the boats. She danced like she actually had ‘junk in the trunk” and the guys loved it. That is, until she started throwing beer on everyone.
There was “The Guy with the Cowboy Hat made out of a Coors Light Box” that joined the party late in the day but soon hooked up with “Pastie Girl #2”.
A boat filled with “The Smart Kids” rolled past the scene in a bright and shiny new pontoon, dressed in crisp white short sleeved collared shirts and modest bathing suits, rolling their eyes at the slowly deteriorating scene on the beach.
And then there was “The Guy with the Band that Chased Everyone Away”. Just as the ‘breakers’ were getting a second wind and the music was pumping, the booties were shaking and couples were pairing off like rabbits, we see a bass drum, a high hat…. no wait, a whole drum set, complete with stool being unloaded from a boat onto the side wall. Then there’s a mic stand. Finally “The Guy with the Band….” gets on the mic (telling the boat to shut off their music) because he came all the way from The OC (4 hours away) and he’s here to shoot a music video, etc etc. With his silver bikini-clad hype girl by his side, he starts a song, that no ones knows and no one cares to know. Soon, the party boat (with all the good music) leaves. Then one by one, all of the “SBS” boats head out. Even the younger, tanned “Grumpy Old Men” leave! Finally, with a last plea to the crowd “The Guy with the Band that Chased Everyone Away” yells out, ‘Everyone who stays gets a free CD!‘
And that, is the end of Spring Break 2010 in Lake Havasu City, Arizona.
Adventures On the Road 
