Who Me?

7 04 2025

Oh there you are.

 
As I drank a fancy Moscow mule, eating artisanal pizza and munching on a ‘jar’cuterie,  on an open air patio in Hawaii at 9pm, I had a flash of recognition to my former self.  My ‘pre-kid, pre-school lunch and bus schedules, pick ups and monthly spelling tests, pre-paw patrol and suction cup plate’ self. 


I don’t know if it was the 3 days I had been on my own or the incredible experience of swimming in the ocean with manta rays at night, but in that moment I found a piece of myself that I forgot about.  A part of me that experienced life through my own eyes instead of through the eyes of my kids, or my husband, or my company.  The last 3 days I have been able to do what I wanted, and not what needed to be done. 

And what I wanted to do surprised me.  I went into this trip thinking that I would be sleeping in, journaling, reading magazines, sitting poolside, napping and playing my ukelele (a newfound passion).  And yes, I did spent time poolside and playing my ukelele, but I found myself rushing through magazines (so I didn’t have to pack them home) and journaling at the airport while I waited for my ride home!

Fresh (quiet and leisurely) breakfast

It turns out that what I really wanted to do was go snorkeling with sea turtles, experience the magic of nighttime snorkeling with manta rays, and catch as many waves as I could on a boogie board. It was extremely empowering to do all of these things by myself, without the comforting presence of my husband or the distracting (and delightful) presence of my children.  To challenge myself physically and experience that adrenaline rush. 

Can’t get enough of watching sea turtles
Right before we head into the water
The most amazing experience
‘Lana del Ray’ ♥️
Post-boogie board selfie

It’s been a month since that trip and I am still feeling the effects of that solo trip.  I can still tap into that adrenaline rush.  And I can still tangibly feel that moment when I recognized and welcomed my old self back. 

I’ve missed you. 





Selfish? Or Not Selfish?

15 11 2023

Today I was a little bit selfish. I actually thought to myself, ‘I wonder if this is selfish?’

We spent the morning at the ‘not so secret’ Secret Beach and with the help of the full face snorkel mask, I spent a really long time exploring all that there was to see underwater.

At first I didn’t see anything except cloudy water and murky rocks, but as my eyes adjusted, everything came alive. I saw these really cool rainbow fish, a couple of puffer fish (which I haven’t seen before), this creepy slithering white and brown snake like thing, lots of those yellow, black and white fish (Gill from Finding Nemo), this really long silvery fish that had a long bill and just kind of hovered above the sand, and so many other spotted, striped, yellow, blue, silver, and white fish. And then I got kind of startled because there was this big something swimming in front of me. You guessed it, a SEA TURTLE!

So at this point, after we discovered Secret Beach last year, we have visited many times and I’ve seen sea turtles almost every time we’ve come here. It is a regular occurrence now to see the shimmering dark circles from the shore, see the cute little heads break the surface for air, and to wade through the shallows with all of the other fascinated beachgoers as we marvel at the sea turtle sightings and the fact that ‘We ARE SWIMMING WITH SEA TURTLES!!!’

And as amazing as these experiences have been, it definitely takes a lot of effort to get photos or video of these sea turtles without someone’s legs in the shot. It gets a little crowded.

So today, as I was admiring all of the fish, and giving my ‘non-swimming’ self a little pat on the back for snorkeling pretty comfortably, I saw this sea turtle swimming in front of me.

And. I. Told. No. One.

I just watched this sea turtle as it swam around, snacking on the algae on the rocks, swimming up to the surface for a breath, and then diving back down. It was amazing. I would pop my head up and see if there was anyone else around, and there really wasn’t anyone that close. I told myself, that I would really have to do a lot to draw anyone’s attention to the fact that there was a sea turtle with me. And so, I just enjoyed this experience to myself. And at one point I had TWO sea turtles swimming with me.

I’ve been waiting to come across sea turtles resting on the beach, and I thought that was the sea turtle experience that has been alluding me. But I didn’t even realize that the most special experience is to be able to observe a sea turtle in its natural habitat, to watch and wait, and be patient, and not feel like you’re chasing it with half a dozen other people.

Today was such an unexpected special experience.

So was I selfish to keep this experience all to myself? Maybe. But I don’t care.

I did tell someone that there was a sea turtle in the water…..eventually.